Ability@Page – real people, real stories

It started as a severe backache and I thought I had irritated an old skiing injury, but over the space of 48 hours I slowly began to lose sensation across my back and down my right leg. When I couldn’t get into the office for a retainer interview, I realised there was more to it! By the time I got to the hospital I was completely paralysed from my waist down and the consultants’ faces told me that this was serious. So initially I had no idea of what was happening to my body. In a way that was a good thing and when I look back on that time, I was surprisingly calm and more concerned about family and friends’ reactions.

I was in Charing Cross hospital for two weeks while they assessed me and found me a place in a rehabilitation hospital. This was a frightening time as I slowly realised my life had changed and it was at this point that I was told I would never walk again. But as I started to learn how to use a wheelchair (which at that time made you either invisible or unable to hold a conversation!) and began physio to strengthen my upper body, I couldn’t wait to get to the rehab hospital and fight to walk to prove the doctors wrong.

The rehab hospital was in Godalming in the green Surrey countryside and I was there for four months. I had a team of people to support me in learning to live my life in a different way, including timing me pounding round a track in my wheelchair to get stronger, teaching me how to cook sitting down, helping me to stand up in a swimming pool, strapping me into a standing frame (great talking to people at the same height again!), instructing me to drive with just my hands (quite safe!) and massive amounts of torturing by physios in the gym! 

At the same time they were supporting my family and helping us to modify my house (ramps, stair lifts, wet room etc.), so I could live independently when I got home. 

It was hard work mentally and physically, but three weeks before I left to go home we were watching a dance demonstration at the rehab hospital and I felt my left leg move, I was told it was just an involuntary muscle spasm and probably meant nothing. But over the next few weeks I started to get some feeling back in my left leg.

When I got home I was referred to a brilliant and inspirational physio (who I still work with today) and I firmly believe she is the reason I am able to walk. In our first session, having assessed me, she told me that I would definitely be able to walk and that was it - I tried anything she suggested, however ridiculous or scary! We spent the next 18 months slowly getting me back on my feet and with the help of a very special personal trainer at my gym they enabled me to ‘get back out there’!

Amazingly it wasn’t too hard as I was surrounded by friends and family always ready to take me out places and try and tip me out of my wheelchair! I had always been very active and being in a wheelchair makes you see the world and how other people see you in a different way, which I found very difficult and I was highly motivated to get back on my own two feet. I enjoy a challenge and any small win whether it was standing up for longer, walking a bit further, moving from crutches to sticks, made me feel so happy and left me wanting to achieve more.

I was always focusing on literally the ‘next step’, but I set myself two goals in those 18 months. The first was to be able to walk with sticks on my own for 30 minutes, as I felt that would give me a realistic degree of freedom. My second goal was to go back to work, get promoted and carry on my career. So there was a balance to be had between working on small incremental improvements in my capability, against getting on with my life and going back to work.

Three pieces of advice… Write a diary of your experience. I found this painful to read but useful when I felt angry or sad or wanted to give up, as it was a stark reminder of where I had started. 

Secondly, make contact with other people in your position. I couldn’t bring myself to do this initially until I had started to live with my situation, but in hindsight I wish I had. I felt so comfortable being really honest and being able to laugh about some of the things associated with a spinal injury, which only people in the same boat would really understand. 

Thirdly, finding and working with a physio that you trust and that understands you, but will push you both mentally and physically to face tough challenges. But above all of these a sense of humour is vital, as being in a wheelchair or walking with sticks can put you in some testing and ridiculous situations and being able to defuse them with humour can save the day!

At the risk of sounding trite I feel lucky. Many people with the same illness as me never recover any movement or feeling, and while the world has a very different view of disability today than back in 1999, it is still a constantly challenging way to live your life. I am also incredibly grateful to the people that have helped me be able to walk and to move on from 1999. People sometimes ask how I have got over it, I’m not sure I have, but I have found a way to live with it – most of the time!

I’m not sure it’s changed me – maybe others would disagree, it has certainly sharpened my problem-solving skills in how to get round ‘obstacles’ that can be a challenge with limited mobility.

The main impact has been that it has made me want to support others going through a similar experience, if there is anything that I can say or do that makes their experience ‘lighter’ I feel that is a worthwhile use of my experience.